Not to error on the side of carelessness my dear friends but do read on… I’m thrilled, pickled- yes pickled pink that I get to share this load of crap with our friends, fans and first time readers… alas be warned about dating the younger set- and by younger -I mean ten years your junior. (Uhh if you’re somewhere between the ages of 20 and 25- it’s illegal so immediately exit this site..)
Let’s chat email- the privacy of the things you write to your current lead horse or the back up shack ups and everyone in between and the need to protect the freaking words you send to the ones you love or are “using” (mutually of course).
So get this load of potatoes… I’m actually enjoying my weekend full of work (NOT!) when I get a jingle on the cell phone (current ringtone is something from Rage Against the Machine)- it’s an ex..not calling to catch up I am sure- nor is he calling to whisk me away to some fancy restaurant and buy me a thousand dollars worth of flowers- he’s done that already. YAWNNER right… so he proceeds to let me know of a nifty email he got via my YAHOO! account that is BEGGGGING for forgiveness (guess I was a bitch at some point) and asking for basically his hand in marriage – or at a minimum “take me back”… Knowing me- he’s like “I know this did not come from you- someone has hacked or has your password and is sending things from your account”…. <gasp>- SERIOUSLY? Are you freaking kidding me?
Thru deductive reasoningand this is where the “be warned about the younger set” comes in- I remember giving – let’s say incredible “positive reinforcement” (ahhh k sex, several hours worth of hay rolling) to a 30 year old and having done so over the course of the past 8 months- was wary that his insecurities, possessiveness and immaturity would brighten at some point in time…Low and behold I was right… This “guy” shall we say works for a security company and knows the ins, outs and round abouts of the computer- software- and hacking. Perplexed while still discussing this outrageous email and invasion of my privacy with said ex- I snapped and was like OMG- it’s him…the young one…he did this… he’s flipped his lid- had access to all my emails since 1999 (of which mind you that’s about 10 gentlemen in and out of my life)- read thru them and completely went physcho..
So I ask you dear readers….
1. What the f was he thinking?
2. What did “young one” expect to gain thru pur-uzzz-ing thru my written words? I am sure there was much to learn there- but come on now… none of that was meant for his eyes..ever
3. Was his jealousy so forward about things in my past- that he felt retribution was necessary?
All in all- nothing gained here and only a loss of a lead horse- that fckr is in the back pasture with the yucca plants, sand, empty water tank and no windmill. I also had to leverage my leisure time to do a quick re-con mission with all my exes and explain the thrill that is sharing my bed with a 30 year old…
Advice: If you are going to date the younger set do two things… Act stupid when it comes to computers- as in you don’t have one and only believe the way to communicate is thru text on your Iphone or Blackberry. Email accounts are for sissys. Second- keep them in check, at arms length, and run a full analysis on each and everyone- include driving records, marriage records, employment records, recent and prior addresses, property stats (if they don’t have any property- don’t spred your legs- what’s the point?), education and most of all- find their most recent ex and do coffee. It’ll save you in the long run.
Cheers folks- I’m off to find more adventures and stories to share with you…
Calyx
Tags: cougar, email, ex boyfriend, lead horse, men and sex, stalkers
